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I hereby proudly present my latest painting to you
Insomnia- [ a bed piece about bed peace ] 2024 – part of the Brave New World series.
This canvas took me a while. The messy bedding, duvet and wrinkled sheets forced me to look closely and study what was actually happening there in that fabric. I saw so much detail, hue differences in grey tones, fold lines, creases and bulges that had almost human traits, that there was practically no way out. In the second instance, I chose to leave out a lot of detail again, by erasing it. The turmoil in the image depicts my own turmoil from a while ago. This is my reckoning with that period.
2023- Haunting thoughts kept me awake during a period of 3 months. The thought of haunting thoughts kept me awake. The fear of the thoughts of the haunting thoughts kept me awake and made me anxious to go to bed.
Tossing and turning, it seemed a never ending attempt to silence my restless heart. Tried [too] hard to ignore noises of wind blowing, cats on roof, a car starting, a street conversation, a train passing, a party in the distance, even the comforting respiration of my man and the snoring of my cat. I hold my heart and belly as my breath is too high up and going too fast.
My eyes wide shut.
Hoping to shut the flow of insecure and sad voices within.
A glance at the alarm clock tells me that it’s four AM.
I scare myself.
All I ever really wanted was peace, peace of mind, peace of heart, bed peace.
and I finally found it,
for now.